I Think of Judas, A LOT

I think of Judas, A LOT, way more than I’d like to. I think of Peter about the same amount. Mark 14After two days was the feast of the passover, and of unleavened bread: and the chief priests and the scribes sought how they might take him by craft, and put him to death. … The whole chapter is hard for me to sit with.
Betrayal is something I have a hard time with, most of the time it comes by way of a friend, dear, trusted but still a betrayer. Family is another big player in the betrayal game. Most families hold our hearts and know us inside and out. They have lived with us, eaten with us, cried with us, prayed with us and still .. betrayed us at our most vulnerable moments. My first thought afterwards is , “What did you profit by that?” That’s how I know how much I was worth to you. How much you loved me. Once that line has been crossed there’s no going back for me. I will still love you, pray for you, miss you. I will never trust you, ever. Forgiveness is a given, that’s for me. Trust? that is forever gone.

My trouble with Judas was he had lived with, followed, given up his life to be a disciple to follow Jesus. He knew what it required, he sat under all the teachings. He got to ask all the questions and still betrayed Jesus. Peter vowed to never forsake Jesus, adamantly and yet that rooster began to crow, three times. It wasn’t a mistake it was willful.

My fixation on these two men is that I don’t want to ever do what they did. So, each day I ask myself the hard question, “Did I betray Jesus today?” Did I remain silent in the face of injustice? Did I not extend the grace he would have if he were standing in my shoes? Did I not stand firm as a witness to who he is and what he represents? Did I fail to witness because it was the wrong place and wrong time, easier to just get through the moment, surely I’d have another opportunity to quietly witness to this person.

So many days I come up short, I don’t take the opportunity, I turn away at the very moment I should have stepped up. I don’t have an excuse that is worthy of any of those things. Time and time again I have to come to him with apologies, for redemption, for restoration, for his grace and every single time my heart is broken because I failed him.
So far, he has wrapped me in his arms and sat with me until I could manage to forgive myself. He already had,

My question for you today. How have you betrayed Jesus lately?
My prayer for us all is that we can be what we are called to be, boldly, loudly, proudly. That today he can say , “Well done, my child.” to each of us.

Love, Pam